healing happens therapy

Counseling for couples and individuals. Kelly Montgomery, LMFT

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“Stay weird, stay different!”


Oh yes! “Stay weird, stay different” people! What would the world  look like if we were all the same? Pretty boring if you ask me. Graham Moore is in Hollywood, but us Oakland Bay Area folks have a chance too! He got it right when he supported staying unique.  Your life is only yours- there is only ONE of you!!  When you are feeling invisible, think, “How can I thrive?” “What do I desire?” “How can I go after it?” “How am I limiting myself?”

How can you get to that spot where you live your best fullest life where you feel that feeling of energy beneath your skin, and your heart races just a bit thinking of living that life?  We all deserve to wake up and feel a sense of readiness and lust for our day because we are about to go and do something we are meant to.  What are you meant to be doing? That energy, that desire isn’t there to torture you, don’t shut it out, use it to motivate you to go after your best authentic life.

Hone in on your unique self and what you have to offer.  Life honestly seems to hold a bit of magic dust when we are in alignment with what we are here for, who we are meant to be.  We can open those channels and sail through, so listen, and react. Be still, and know what you are here for. Get determined and motivated, serve your purpose and go and show up for all of us and your unique weird different self!  Reach out for help here www.healinghappenstherapy.com for assistance in manifesting your true purpose.

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Romance is simply creativity, so get those creative juices flowing!

love and creativityI was talking to my father last weekend on the phone. The usual transpired, “what are you doing”, “how are you,” I asked him what he was doing for his wife for Valentine’s day.  He said “Nothing, I don’t know what to do.”  Still in his 60’s he’s stumped at romance.  Here’s some help:

1. Creativity doesn’t have to mean working rally hard. Keep it simple. Think of things you don’t do everyday like Write a love note (when was the last time you got something in writing instead of on some kind of screen?) and for bonus points then hide the note somewhere your partner will be surprised to find it, like the medicine cabinet or under the pillow.  This creates a surprise factor, something out of the ordinary and expresses some kind of feeling. Check , check and check!

2. Use your senses. Cant figure out what to do?  Pick a category (taste, touch, hear, smell, sight).  Nothing says playful like a blindfold and some fruit!

3. Knowing something personal about your partner and using that in some creative way is one of the best romantic gigs.  Do they like to hike? Set up a picnic before hand, and when you come around the bend, Surprise! its all set up.

Romance doesn’t have to cost money. Being creative doesn’t have to be hard. Romance is so very necessary and foundational in a well oiled relationship.  Now I have to go call my Dad and see that he followed through!

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The month for love, are YOU my Valentine?

Is he the one? Does she still light your fire? Feeling sluggish on the love front? Not connecting like you used to? Come and check out my Love Series for couples this month. 6 sessions built around rekindling, repairing and growing together in love.  Come in and get your groove on (after you get home!) by learning how to ask for what you need, learning how to receive the nurturing you desire and to build a foundation for a steamy future! http://www.healinghappenstherapy.comlove and sex

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How to avoid filing for divorce- three times!?

This looks rough:  http://www.eonline.com/news/618545/james-caan-files-for-divorce-from-his-wife-for-the-third-time-in-10-years.  What is going on in your relationship when you are not sure about the commitment you have made?  What happened to your your desire for one another?  What made you fall in love with them in the first place? What can you take responsibility for? Start by feeling sure about your self and your connection to your partner.   Test these things out and see what turns up:

1. Touch your partner. When they walk by graze their arm, when they come home give them a long kiss. When you sit and relax, cuddle.  Have you ever tried to argue while holding hands? Believe me its a MUCH different conversation that it would be without touching.

2. Tell them WHAT you love about them, not just “I love you.”  Get sure about it, remind yourself why you chose to be committed to them, what makes you laugh about them or what makes the different from others?  Be specific, and watch to see if things re kindle.

3. When things get too tough to handle, let someone else lead. Come and see me!  www.healinghappenstherapy.com  Get into couples counseling and invest in getting on with the rest of your life.  Find the tools you need to move on and live to the fullest.

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Self love comes first, then comes marriage!

I love this article http://www.people.com/article/jennifer-lopez-cover-story-newly-empowered about how loving ones self is paramount to having a successful relationship.  Often times the fear we have can stop us from growing.  Usually that fear is  only kinda scary and challenging but it can feel really big, like it might even destroy us! However, with some bravery and help getting there (therapy) you realize pretty quickly its manageable.  You then are able to grow and have a good foundation to then seek out another’s love and be able to know how to relate to one another in a mature and stable way.  If you have found yourself in a pattern of failed relationships, give me a call and lets figure it our together to get you to your goals of having a fulfilling life!


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I share this cake.

The new year provides a fresh start in to finding ourselves, and making healthy choices and also, sometimes it takes more than that.  Loosing weight is hard. Loving ourselves with true honor and respect and knowledge of health for longevity is even harder if we are a stranger to it.  The key to our (fill in the blank) weight loss, is just that, a kinder deeper self love.  A self knowledge that thrives on respect and knowledge of how we want to survive and thrive.   Learning to be compassionate with all aspects of yourself whether you are changing your lifestyle or taming an eating disorder or tackling the desire to loose weight and live your best life- but it can be done.

1. Notice your negative self talk (would you talk to your grandma or a child like that?)

2. Re fame your relationship with yourself  by adding compassion and tenderness.

3. Live your truest life. Are you acting authentically and in alignment with your best self?

4. Find support. Get help and enjoy the cheerleading you let, let it fuel you.

Check out Andie Mitchell’s story: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andie-mitchell-/was_me_all_along_b_6423350.html?utm_hp_ref=women&ir=Women


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The Holi-DAZE

The Holidays are upon us.  What the heck happen to us when we go home or gather around our family members we don’t see very often?  Why does my mom still insist on having  “the kids” who are age range 35-45 to wear matching pajamas Christmas morning!?  Do you find yourself acting differently, younger maybe, surprising yourself and how sensitive you might act?  A lot of people find this troublesome during the Holidays.  What I am speaking about is ROLES.   Unconsciously we can revert back to our old roles (whether we are being cajoled into them “pajama pushing” or just fall into them on our own).  For example: You can be a career professional, a husband a father and more…and still feel 10 years old around the dinner table with your family somehow.  You might notice familiar or old roles in conversations or habits. Others might really want you to stay in old roles (its comfortable and familiar to them) and it might feel awful to you or give you a warm find memory (Snuggling in the PJ’s might not sound so bad sometimes if it makes mom happy.) you might just draw the line at the ones with little footies.

However it comes, notice it. Try and accommodate yourself for it in the ways that suit you. Be very kind with yourself and others. There can be a lot of emotion and family dynamics during the Holi-DAZE!family matching pjs

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Stress doesn’t Discriminate

Even when we think we are doing it right, sometimes we can still be looking through a veil.  Taking good enough care of ourselves means listening to our bodies and then managing our behavior around  what we hear it tells us.  Stress doesn’t discriminate.  Jennifer Lopez shares her experience here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/04/jennifer-lopez-true-love_n_6101282.html